We're All P--'s Now
(copyright 2000)

Do it for the children.

The nation that sent its sons to battle the Torries, the Nazis, the Commies, the Spanish (that was, by the way, to liberate Cuba)... the free people, right and wrong, who proudly, defiantly, and -- goddammit -- gave more than half a million of its own to settle once and for all whether or not the enslavement of a people is merely "peculiar," now frets that a six year old needs his father. In prison.

At least Norman Mailer still had Marilyn on his mind when he acclaimed Fidel as "one of the great figures of the 20th century." And you gotta love Garcia Marquez for having the cajones (however twisted) to be forever wrong about El Maximus Castrus..."the real shipwreck of Elian did not take place on the high seas, but when he set foot on American soil."

God save the children.

In the absence of problems, the best we can do to properly suffer is miss or need our father and spend our lives trying to replace him or live up to him or piss him off. A little pain goes a long way, sometimes. Are we artists yet?

When sedatives fail, a little outrage soothes. It's nice to flip the pages of the Times with conviction. "A boy must have his father, dammit!"

How about a real problem? While some sons haven't their fathers, at least one lost his mother to the sea and a dream of liberty. (You don't suppose the INS believes in ghosts?)

Send the kid back. The dad's happy, Janet Reno is happy, and History Department chairs across the country will be happy. It's that simple. Send him back and right has been done. Best of all, Fidel's not offended.

Welcome to the good life, interrupted briefly by margin calls, April 15, Confederate battle flags, and someone else's kid shot at school... just enough variety to keep us from total envy of performance artists, the homeless, and the editors of the New York Times, suffering romantics all. We mustn't let our passions get the better of us; look at the frenzy in Miami.

Stay calm, don't do anything to upset your sister-in-law. And don't fret over this kid. They've got it covered over at Justice. Outrage is for the pros. You know, like the makers of "mean people suck" bumper stickers who this weekend in Washington will be ranting at IMF and World Bank "genocides." The New World Order is in big trouble for encouraging Bolivia to raise the price of free water. An outrage, I tell you. And there is nothing worse than an outrage. Except outrage at outrage, which is virtue.

And no fag jokes, please.

- Bromley, June 7, 2000